Everywhere itchy

I have issues. You all knew that though. I told D one day that I wanted a body transplant. If they can transplant a whole face, why not my body. Of course I am not sure of what on my body I would like to keep. I can tell you what I want to get rid of. This is not one of those "I'm fat and want the body of a supermodel" kinds of things. I just want parts that work. For instance, I would like eyes that can see, ears that can hear better, feet that have arches, a stomach that will actually process food in a normal fashion, a uterus that doesn't spontaneously grow strange objects and most of all skin that doesn't itch!!!

When I was a kid I used to get these weird red patches on my skin. My mom freaked out one day and took me to the doctor. She was convinced that it was ring worm. It looked distinctly like ringworm. The dr. said it wasn't, gave me a cream and sent me on my way. I still get these little patches on occasion. However, they don't really itch that much. It is just the rest of my freakin body.

I have tried nearly every lotion on the market. The problem is they may stop the itching, but they make my skin break out. Talk about damned if I do and damned if I don't. I have never been able to moisturize my face. Any lotion that touches my face makes me look like a 12 year old boy. I wash my face with a basic neutrogena face wash and that is it. I wear as little make-up as possible and call it good. This seems to help, but it still doesn't solve my itchy body problem.

To illustrate my point of the itchy skin, below is a photo of all the lotions I currently have in my house. I throw about 10 bottles away about once a year. Actually, I have curbed my lotion buying obsession because I am running out of room to keep them.

Yeah, I'm a big H2O fan. Their stuff smells great!

I have found nothing that truly works on my skin without making it break out... until now! Apparently the bargain lotions were just not good enough. I had to go into one of those fancy skin care shops that sells $65 face cream. For $65 I better look like a supermodel! However, I did scope out a body cream that might just be my ticket out of itchville. It is this super thick 25% Shea butter stuff. I got the girl to give me a couple free samples to try. I wasn't quite sure if I really wanted to invest $36 in body lotion that is just going to throw me right back to my teenage years. Well... Day 2 and I am mostly itch free and mostly zit free. I think we might have a winner!!

What is better is this company also makes a hair conditioner with shea butter in it. I thought at $16 a bottle I could give it a try. D told me that at that price it better damn well work. Considering I think I spend $3.00 on my 2 in 1 shampoo. (I know it's cheap, but I like it) So how did the conditioner work? FABULOUS!! I also whipped out my curling spray that I already had and by golly I have some fairly nice hair. I am still waiting on the stuff I ordered from Amazon, but Jen recommended it so it has to work right?

Now if any of you have the same skin condition I will gladly take any suggestions on what works for you. And yes, I even tried the baby oil on wet skin trick. I smelled nice, but that's about it.